How Elizabeth Cursed The Black Pearl
by jellysunshine
Summary: It all started when Elizabeth saved the boy from the water. And from there things just went downhill. Ever think there was more than one reason the Black Pearl was cursed? God have mercy on them all! Parody of POTC.
1. The Boy

The Parody

This is just another parody of Pirates of the Caribbean

Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean The Curse of the Black Pearl or anything else.

**_The Boy_**

It was a foggy day and the Dauntless slid sssslllllooooowwwly through the water. On the deck an ugly little girl which was a young Elizabeth Swan, was butchering the song 'A Pirates Life For Me'. She was suddenly stopped (much to the relief of the crew) by a hand grabbing her shoulder. It was a non pirate version of Mr. Gibbs. 

" Shut your hole you spoiled child, or I'll throw you to the sharks. " He threatened. 

The ugly child or Elizabeth started to cry and attracted Norrington (who had a thing for little girls). " Mr. Not yet a pirate, that will do", he said in a very mean way. 

" But she was butchering a good song, bad luck to be butchering a good song cause it attracts umbrellas and little boys." Gibbs pouted. 

Elizabeth told them that she found little boys rather fascinating.

The men, along with ugly Elizabeth's father went away to continue doing absolutely nothing. So Elizabeth got a new idea. She decided to stare at the water and look for drowning little boys. A pink frilly umbrella suddenly drifted by. Elizabeth had to think a moment before she realized that that was not normal. She was about to inform the crew when she saw a boy on a piece of wood. 

" Look look there's a pirate boy in the waaater!" She screamed at the top of her lunges. 

All of the crew except Norrington, Governor Swan and Mr. Gibbs leapt into the water. The three turned and saw a burning ship. 

" It's the fourth of July! " The Governor cried with glee. 

" Sir that holiday was not yet invented", Norrington commented. The boy was then dragged on board. 

" He's not breathing, lets do CPR! " grinned Norrington. As the future commodore was about to perform CPR the boy started breathing. " Darn. " Norrington cursed. 

" My beautiful Elizabeth that can do no wrong, stay with the pirate and make sure you steal all of his valuables ". Governor Swan told his not so perfect daughter. 

" Of course Pa , the little witch of a girl agreed. The boy woke up and started gagging when he saw Elizabeth. " What's your name Dearie? " She cackled. 

" Wwwww….Will Turner." He gasped. Elizabeth saw he was about to get up and escape so she hit him on the head with a pan she kept hidden in her dress. As she was examining the poor boy she spotted his shiny medallion, he wore around his neck. 

" Ooohhhhhhhhhhhhh purty," She said as she drooled all over his shirt, " you must be a pirate, " she finally concluded. 

She was abruptly startled when Norrington snuck up behind her. " Has he said anything? " He said as he adjusted his ugly brown wig. 

Elizabeth stuck here new medallion into her underwear. " Nope, he said he was named wwwww…Will Turner, and I think he is a pirate because he has a cursed pirate medallion, and he doesn't even like me." She answered as she pocketed the other goods she stole from him. 

" Ooohhh, ok well if he wakes up let me know ok? " He mumbled as he turned to leave. Elizabeth examined the cursed medallion and then decided to continue her game of look for drowning boys. She completely ignored the evil looking black-sailed pirate ship that she saw sailing away.

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A/N: Well that was the first chapter, hope ya liked please review and help me with ideas. =^-^=


	2. Awaking From A Dream

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Awaking From A Dream

A fully grown Elizabeth suddenly awoke. She had just had a wonderful dream about when she had stolen Wills cool medallion. She got out of bed and tripped over her large feet. When she arose she walked vveerrryy slowly over to her cabinet thingy and pretended not to look for Wills medallion. She lifted up a secret compartment thing and saw nothing. It was then she remembered that she had it hidden in her underwear. She quickly ( or as quickly as she could) took it out and put it on so she could lure a bunch of bloodthirsty pirates to her. 

She was startled (once again) by a loud knock. "Elizabeth are you through hiding that pirate medallion yet?" her over caring father asked. Before she could answer her dad along with a nosy maid entered the room and accidentally hit Elizabeth with the door. 

" Gee, do I go into your room and hit you in the head with your door? " She growled as she rubbed her forehead. 

" I brought you a really ugly corset for you to wear to Norrington's promotion ceremony today." the governor said as he showed Elizabeth the ugliest thing she had ever seen. " I hear it's the latest fashion for blind people." 

Just then the butler came in and tripped over Elizabeth's feet. " Sir you have a visitor." He said as he got to his feet. 

The governor left his daughter to put on the ugly corset and went downstairs.

Downstairs Will was messing with a candlestick. He pulled it off and hide it in his pocket. " I see you have my order." Governor Swan said as he crept out of his hiding place. 

" Yep I sure do, by the way in case you didn't notice its like folded steel or something, and it has gold things in its handle." Will said with too much emotion. 

" Good job Willy, give your master my compliments." The governor said as Will began dangerously juggling the sword. Suddenly the two heard a loud thud and looked to the stairwell to see Elizabeth sliding down the rail. 

" Oh, Elizabeth you look absolutely terrible--I mean stunning." Governor Swan said as Elizabeth slid off the end of the rail and landed on her face. 

" Hi Will, did you know I had a dream about you last night? " The snobbish girl questioned as she got to her feet. "About the day I stole all of your valuables do you remember? " 

" Of course, how could I forget Mr. Swan." He replied as he tried to politely save his eyes from looking at Elizabeth. " How many times must I ask you to call me Miss Swan? " She growled. 

" At least 111111111000000000000000000 times more, Mr. Swan." He responded as he turned to leave. 

Elizabeth and her rude father shoved him out of the way and started for their covered wagon they had rented. They went inside and the wagon disappeared out of sight.

Meanwhile in the harbor or whatever Jack made his first appearance riding on top of a sinking boat. He suddenly noticed his boat sinking, so he jumped down and started using his hands to empty the water out. He then noticed three pirate skeletons hanging by a sign that read {Pirates Ye Be Warned}. He paused to salute them with his middle finger and then continued on his way. 

On the dock all the people stopped what they were doing so they could stare at a bucket floating in the water. They looked up to see Jack come in on a quickly sinking sail. Jack stepped up onto the dock and headed for the village thingy. He was abruptly halted by an ugly fellow in an ugly wig. 

" It's a 100 pennies to tie up your ship at the dock! " The short ugly guy yelled at Jack. Both of them looked at the sunken ship. " And I need license and registration please." The guy added as he picks his nose. 

Jack fishes three pieces of currency out of his pocket and slams them on the guy's book. "What do ya say to three shillings and we forget the license and registration? " 

" Ok, but it would be a lot easier to just give me your license and registration." The guy said as he greedily pocketed the money. 

" I'm a bloody pirate mate, do you honestly think I would have a license or registration? " Jack asked as he grabbed the man's unattended money thing. 

" I suppose not." The devastatingly stupid guy agreed. 

Jack flipped him off and continued on his way. 

In the village square Norrington's men started to do a stupid dance while wearing pink tutus. They seemed to be following strange dance orders given by a guy who looked like Brittany Spears. They suddenly stood attention when Norrington came out dressed in a frilly purple tutu. He danced his way through the soldiers and over to Governor Swan who was smiling at him with the sword Willy made for the new commodore. 

The two did a weird ritual that is so boring we wont even get into it. _

In other parts Jack decided he wanted to steal a ship. As he made his way towards _ The Lady Washington _he was stopped by the two guards. 

" Hey this dock is like _so_ off limits to civilians." The first one said in a rather female voice. 

" I'm sorry…wait no I'm not! I'm not a civilian I'm a pirate! " Jack said as the fat one picked on his underwear. 

" Oh. Well then this dock is off limits to pirates." the fat one said. 

Jack made an attempt to go on board the ship but once again was blocked. Frustrated, he asked, " Why aren't you at the commodore thingy? " 

" Someone has to make sure the dock stays off limits to pirates." Tubby again. 

" Isn't that ship a lot cooler than this one though? " Jack asked as he pointed to the _Dauntless_ drifting without purpose. 

" Yep the _Dauntless_ is like, waaaaay better, but like no ship can like match the _ Lady Washington,_ or_ Interceptor_ in in speed." Tubby' s lame little buddy answered. 

" What about the _Black Pearl_? " Jack asked. 

As Jack had hoped, this started an argument.

While they two guards were arguing about whether or not the _Black Pearl _existed or not, Jack snuck on board the _Interceptor_. 

" Hey the pirate is on our ship! " Thin Guy shouted suddenly, coming to his senses. He and his buddy charged on board and accidentally poked each other with their gun things in their rush to get at Jack. 

" You don't have permission to steal that ship mate! " Tubby yelled at Jack who was messing with the steering wheel. 

" But it's a purty boat." Jack returned gleefully. 

" What's your name Jack? " Tubby asked. 

" My actual name or my made up name? " Jack questioned. 

" Your made up name of course." Thin Guy frowned. 

" Smith, or if you prefer Smithy." 

" Why are you in our town Smithy? " Tubby growled. 

"Yeah and like, don't even try to lie." Thin added in his girly voice. 

Jack rolled his eyes " I'm here to steal a ship you dummies." 

" Like I said no lies." Thin Guy said . 

" I think he's telling the truth dipstick." Tubby returned to his not-so-smart companion. 

" Then, like, he wouldn't have told us Fat Face." 

" It's the truth so just shut up." Jack pleaded with the pair.

The two got a stupid look and had to think about that.

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A/N: Well, That was chapter 2 hope you liked it and by the way I love reviews =^-^=


	3. Jack's Mistake

Jack's Mistake

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After the commodore became a commodore

Norrington's commodore party became very boring. None of the ladies wanted to date him and none of the men wanted to talk to him. He decided to go propose to Elizabeth since it was the only thing to do. The two walked out onto the balcony. "Mr. Swan…err I mean Miss. Swan, I must speak my mind." He said as he slowly began to pick his butt. "I need to marry a spoiled ugly rich girl and I think that since you are an ugly spoiled rich girl Elizabeth and I think we should get married." It took the commodore about ten minutes to finish saying this, and when he was done Elizabeth gasped. She was about to reply but was suddenly pushed off the balcony thingy by a soldier in a pink tutu. After fifteen minutes Commodore Norrington finally realized Elizabeth had been pushed off the balcony. "EEELLLLLLLLIIZZZZZAAAABBBBEEEETTTH!!!!!" He screamed as loud as he possibly could. He started to tear off his clothes, but was stopped (thankfully) by one of his soldiers. 

" Sir the sharks, it's a miracle she missed them!" The soldier said as he threw Norrington back on his face. Norrington and all of his men just sat there and looked down to watch Elizabeth drown..

On the _Interceptor_ Jack was having tea with Tubby and Thin guy. Thin guy was talking about how he was This years Beauty Queen when they noticed a girl fall off a ledge.

" Will you be saving her then?" Jack asked Tubby who sat there just staring. "duhh… I don't know how to swim with sharks" Tubby protested.

Jack looked to Thin guy. "hey _I_ don't want to be shark food." Thin said as he hide behind Tubby.

"Fine, hold these" Jack said as he started to hand them his stuff along with an anchor and a bunch of stuff he found on the ship. Then he did a swan dive into the water. He swam down past billions of sharks and saw the lady unconscious, laying flat on her face. Lucky for her none of the sharks wanted to go anywhere near her. Jack grabbed the girl and tried to swim to the surface but the girl was just to heavy to swim with. Just then the girl gained consciousness and tried to remove her dress so she could swim better. Jack saw her try to undo her dress and had no choice but to knock her out. He dragged her to the dock, and with the help of Tubby and Thin guy hauled her up.

"That looks like Elizabeth" Thin guy noted as the three got a good look at the girl.

"It is Elizabeth, and hey look she's not breathing, yay!" While Tubby was doing the dance of joy he accidentally cut her corset with his sword and caused her to start breathing and wake up.

Jack noticed her medallion. "Who did you steal that from?" he questioned. He suddenly felt a cold sword against his throat. Norrington and his men had finally made it to the dock.

Governor Swan helped Elizabeth up and glanced over at Thin guy, who was trying on Elizabeth's corset and doing a strange dance. Thin guy, noticing the governor staring at him pointed to Jack.

"Fry him up for dinner tonight" the cannibalistic governor snarled. Norrington's men tripped forward.

"Old guy, do you really intend to eat my rescuer?" Elizabeth asked as Norrington was moving towards Jack with a butcher knife.

Norrington hesitated. "I believe thanks are in order here" he said as he extended his butcher knife free hand. Jack reluctantly reached forward to shake Norrington's hand, but instead of shaking Norrington pulled up Jacks sleeve revealing a P brand and a tattoo of a turkey flying in front of a sunset.

" I always wondered what pirate soup tasted like" he said as he studied the P brand.

"wwwweeeeeeeellll wwweeeeelll, Jack Turkey isn't it?" he purred. Jack winced "Actually its _Captain _Jack _Sparrow_" Jack corrected.

"barbeque him" an annoying Governor Swan piped in the background.

"Well I don't see your surfboard captain" Norrington said in his snobby voice. "That's probably has got something to do with the fact that surfboards have not been invented yet" Jack growled as a bunch of the Commodore's minions clasped handcuffs that weighed at least 200 pounds on him.

Elizabeth, being the stupid girl she was, ran over and was grabbed by Jack. Everyone leapt forward.

"Don't fire you might hit the pirate and ruin his flavor!" Governor Swan ordered.

"Ookkayy I wont even go into how weird you guys are" Jack said as he backed Elizabeth up. After he had gotten everything he had given Tubby and Thin guy to on the_ Interceptor _back , he kicked a weird thingy and was sent swinging into the air.

"Now will you barbeque him?" the governor yelled at his men. Jack, after swinging around the pole a bazillion times, landed on a beam of wood and slide off a rope to the ground. He then skipped across a tiny bridge that was made for midgets , and hide behind a wooden Indian statue that was picking its nose.

"ddduuuuhhh do ya think will find the pirate before Norrington decides to barbeque us instead?" a soldier wearing a maroon tutu asked his partners.

"of course Bob, dduuhh pirates aint that smart ya know and I bet he's hidin in the Commodores room right now" another idiot answered. Once they ran past Jack he slide out of his hiding place and went into 'Farmer Browns Blacksmith Shop .'

A special thanks to all the people who reviewed my last chapters. You guys ROCK!!!!!

The Black Pearl: Thanks for the review!

Shady-777: Thanks for proofreading for me and reviewing

Elizabeth Should Die: I plan on continuing and I agree Will is hot!

MysticWolf1: Thanks

Pirate 101: I plan on keeping up the lizzie bashing

Mrs.BillyCoen: Its not in the R.E section because its not R.E!

Jack Sparrow: Thanks

Bellydarkness: I am sorry you didn't like it.

Strange Pixie: Thanks! hands you a cookie

Mond202: thanks I might do another fic later.

Hello Captain: Thanks

Elionwy: Thanks Jacks my favorite character too.

Kuramasgirl556: thanks I read one of your fics and it was great!

heavenxleigh: thanks

Julia: um… ok… thanks?

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A/N: That's the end of chapter three, and I hope to get around to chapter four soon. Once again thanks for the reviews TTFN -


	4. Captured!

Chapter 4

"Caught"

Jack entered the Blacksmith shop to hide from Norrington's men. He studied his surroundings to look for anything that might help him free himself from his handcuffs.

Suddenly he heard a bottle drop. Turning around he was alerted to the fact that there was a drunk guy sleeping on a seat in a corner. What really surprised Jack was the fact that the seat had not broken trying to support the guy's weight. The cautious pirate slowly made his way over to where Fat Lard was sleeping. The guy mumbled something about his mommy, but remained asleep. Well Jack would certainly fix that!

Being a slightly crazy pirate, Jack suddenly thought that it would be a good idea to wake this guy up. He slowly walked over to the man and slapped him in the face. The man did not wake up.

"Booga, Bogga, Boo!" Jack yelled at the poor guy. Obviously pirates don't like to let people sleep.

Feeling accomplished, Jack turned and looked for anything that could help free him from his cuffs. First he decided to try hitting them with a sledgehammer. When this did not work he moved on to the jackhammer. Still the cuffs remained intact.

Finally, Jack noticed a donkey in the room. It was attached to a large contraption that looked like it might be able to help him with his cuff problem.

(I didn't know that Blacksmiths abused poor donkeys and made them do their dirty work) Jack thought to himself. (And they call me a pirate!)

Without warning Jack charged for the donkey screaming like a madman. It was just a miracle that all the people in the village, including Norrington and his men, were def.. The poor donkey saw a crazy man coming at him and ran for his life, making the contraption move.

Jack's plan was a success. After swinging his chains up into the gears they broke. Jack was now convinced that he was the best pirate ever and that no one else would have ever had the brains to think of that. Just as he was getting ready to leave he heard the door open.

Will Turner walked in looking pleased with himself. He turned and looked at the drunk guy sleeping on the chair.

"Right were I left You," he grinned as he turned to his tools. Something wasn't right here. His sledgehammer and jackhammer were misplaced. (How very strange, I didn't know that tools could move on their own) he thought to himself.

"Not where I left you," he told the tools, ignoring the fact that talking to tools was not a sign of mental stability. Then he saw something even stranger, a pirates hat perched on yet another one of his hammers. (I didn't know that Mr. Brown was a pirate!) Will thought as he reached for the hat.

Suddenly his hand was smacked by a sword. He turned to see the pirate that Norrington was looking for standing right in front of him.

"You're the one they're after, the pirate!" Will yelped in surprise.

"You look like someone I have threatened before, have we met?" Jack wondered as he studied Will up and down.

"I don't like pirates, they suck!" Will growled as he grabbed a sword and tried his hardest to look mean. It didn't look very threatening.

"Well I have places to be and things to do, so I won't hold you up then," Jack noted as he turned to head for the door yet again.

Will was relentless. He was so determined that he was going to capture this criminal and save the day to impress Elizabeth. "I don't think so you pirate! You threatened Mr... I mean Miss Swan, prepare to die!" He snarled at the pirate that stood before him.

Jack sighed, (The idiots these days!) he thought to himself as he crossed blades with the arrogant young man. "Do you think this wise boy? Crossing blades with a pirate, wait no...Pirate Captain." "

Will only growled in response, "I will kill you and impress my girlfriend!" he declared stubbornly. He lashed out and swiped at Jack with his sword.

Jack blocked and the fight began. Jack started slashing wildly at Will, but fortunately for Will Jack didn't seem to be able to hit anything. Unfortunately for Will, he was a sucky fighter like Jack. The two spent fifteen minutes trying desperately to hit each other.

Finally Jack drew back. "You seem to know what your doing I'll give you that" he noted as he began to circle Will. "But how's your footwork?" he questioned. "If I step here..." Jack made a step to the right. Will made a step to the left. "Very good," he said as he noticed Will's move. "And then I step again," this time Jack slid to the side into a dance.

Not knowing what to do Will did the same. Before long the two were dancing better than any ballerina. Jack finally decided that Will would never be able to out-dance him and headed for the backdoor.

Without any warning Will threw his sword at Jack. Luckily for the pirate, Will couldn't hit a target if his life depended on it. Jack just stared at the sword for a second then began to try and pull it out of the door. When he was unable to he turned to the young Blacksmith.

"You have got to be the worst person I know at throwing swords," he admitted as he walked towards Will. "And Once again you are between me and my way out of this place, only this time, you have no weapon."

Will turned and grabbed a conveniently placed sword out of the fire. It's blade glowed a lava red color in the slightly dark room.

Jack got a worried expression. (Ouch!) he thought as he blocked against Will's attack. The two continued to fight until Jack got in a lucky shot and slapped Will's red-hot sword of destruction out of his hand.

Will didn't seem worried at all. He turned and reached for another sword. He choose one with a ruby and gold handle, then decided that it didn't match his outfit so he grabbed another one. He grabbed a gold handled one that would bring out his eyes more.

Jack suddenly noticed the 50 thousand swords in the container by the donkey. "Who makes all of these?" He wondered aloud.

"I do!" Will yelled, "And I practice with them 23 hours a day!" Will obviously had nothing better to do with his life.

"What do you do with the other hour of the day?" Jack asked, confused at how someone could make all of these swords and still have time to practice with them 23 hours a day.

"I use that hour to sleep," Will admitted. He was a man of little sleep.

"You need to find yourself a girl, Mate" Jack said as he slashed at Will again. The two were now playing ring-around-the-donkey-machine, with swords. "Or maybe the reason you practice 23 hours a day is because you have found a girl, and can't have a relationship with her because her dad doesn't like you.

(Darn, how does he know so much!) Will thought to himself as he though of a different reason to tell the pirate. "I practice so much so that I can kill all of you pirates!" he told Jack bitterly.

The two began to edge away from the donkey machine and Jack backed up onto a wagon. He began trying to slash Will to pieces again.

Will finally got in a good hit and got his sword caught in Jack's chains, which he then used to throw Jack's hand up and get stuck in the wooden beam above.

Jack uses his foot to knock one of the boards on the wagon up and hit Will in the face. While Will is trying to recover, Jack leaps up and gets his hand free. He unfortunately forgot about gravity and falls onto the wagon sending Will screaming onto the beams above.

Jack looks up and sees Will still complaining about how much being smacked with a board hurts.

Will accidentally knocked into a bunch of barrels of concrete sending them down on the wagon, which sends Jack flying up onto the beams with Will. (Don't ask me WHO keeps barrels of concrete in a Blacksmith shop!)

The two began to fight again, this time trying desperately to keep their balance. They end up doing an ok job of that, when suddenly Will knocked Jack's sword out of his hand.

Jack jumps down to look for his sword, but Will is right behind him. Lucky for the pirate there happens to be a gigantic bag of dirt nearby, which he uses to blind Will and get him all dirty! (Lets see him wash THAT out of his clothes!) Jack thought to himself as he drew his gun.

Will turned around only to see that the pirate has cheated. "You cheated!" He said shocked that a pirate would cheat. 

"Well I AM a pirate, what did you expect me to do, play fair?" Jack questioned as he aimed his gun at the poor misguided young man. "Move out of my way!" Jack said almost as if he expected Will to do as he said.

"NEVER!" Will screamed, he would never move for a pirate! Even if the pirate had a gun aimed at his face! He was perfectly ready to die for his cause.

"Please move! Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top!" Jack asked hopefully. But Will stood his ground. Jack cocked his gun. "This shot wasn't meant for a guy like you!" He pleaded.

Suddenly Jack was hit over the head by the sleeping drunk guy, who happened to be sleep walking with a bottle of beer in his hand.

The door was knocked over finally by Norrington and his sissy-girl men. "Thank you Mr. Brown, you have helped capture a vicious pirate." Norrington congratulated.

"Yes mommy," Mr. Brown said still asleep. He slowly made his way back to his bed/chair with a new bottle of beer.

Norrington looked at the fallen pirate and grinned wickedly. "Well Captain Jack Turkey, you will always remember this as the day that you almost escaped." He turned to his men who were picking their noses. "Put him in a cell, we will decide how to cook him later." he ordered them. "Duh, ok boss!" they agreed in unison.


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